How to grasp the scale of reward for children?

“Parents are advised to reward their children for the first time according to the topic.”

Speaking of rewarding children, I believe that many parents have different experiences, and rewarding can give children some motivation, but there will be two different studies and different views on rewarding material for children:

1. Judy Cameron of University of Alberta published an article in 2001 and reached another conclusion.

Based on the results of 96 experiments, Cameron points out that material rewards help people spend more time doing things they don’t like, and that people who get rewards don’t show lower motivation than those who don’t.

2. A contrary case:

Psychologist Repper once did an experiment: Find some children who like painting and divide them into two groups. One group promises to “reward them if they paint well”. Another group told them, “I’m looking forward to seeing your works very often.” The children in both groups were happy to draw. The children in the former group were awarded prizes and the children in the latter group were appreciated.

Three weeks later, most of the children in the former group were reluctant to take the initiative to paint, while the children in the latter group were as interested as ever. The experiment was repeated many times and the results were the same.

Nowadays, facing the issue of reward, many parents are in a tangle. Here I want to share a few points with you.

1. Once you promise your child, you must do it.

If the reward is agreed upon before, it’s better to implement it as scheduled. Don’t give feedback or delay gratification in the middle, so as to avoid affecting the children’s internal drive and initiative.

2. Don’t confine yourself to rewards

For example: rewards are not only material things, but also some activities or summer camps that children usually yearn for, or language rewards, focusing on letting children feel the recognition and trust of their parents.

3. If the child is close to the reward, but has not yet reached it, what should parents do?

For example, in the above case, the child is one point behind, but the heart wants to be rewarded.

If this is the first time that a child meets this kind of need, parents can communicate with the child thoroughly, so that the child can understand the reason why he will be rewarded, but the key point is to help the child restore carelessness.

If it has happened several times, then parents should adhere to the principle, after all, there are rules in the first place, in order to avoid children will appear: rules can actually break the wrong perception.

As for rewarding children, what I want to say is that “encouragement with money” is actually another kind of simple cruelty”. Material reward is not totally meaningless. If you are a parent who is stingy about the cost of education, material reward is absolutely a load-reducing flow for you.

Using it means:

You don’t need to preach the truth over and over again; you don’t need to be flustered when you talk about foaming at the mouth.

Instead of setting an example, you can just take out a list of 100 items and pay according to work.

You don’t need to use your brain to help your child develop a good habit with long company and supervision.

Because you think that all children’s behaviors can be managed scientifically by KPI. Consequentialism seems to make education much simpler.

Deci Edward L. and Ryan Richard M., two psychologists who have great influence on contemporary motivation theory, argue that everyone has three basic psychological needs . If they are satisfied, the internal motivation will be greatly improved, and the child is no exception. The direct manifestation is that the extent of his efforts does not depend on the external. Material rewards.

The first is sense of belonging (relatedness), so that children can understand that they can feel love, respect and acceptance no matter what the result is.

The second is < b > autonomy (autonomy), which makes children feel that < b > behavior can be decided by themselves .

The third is < b > competence, which is very important. It means that the child feels < b > he can, he can, he can . For example, “I can draw ink and wash painting”, “I can scramble eggs”, “I can work with small partners to build Lego Tower”…

Not to mention that children nowadays lack everything, even if they lack it, they are not necessarily necessities of life. In this sense, any material reward is indispensable. Once they need to make great efforts to get it, children may prefer to give up. Give up a lot, not only did not arouse the fighting spirit, but also produced a sense of frustration, the more self-confident, the less ambitious, please see the caricature about “reward children”.

Therefore, really good children are not rewarded by money . Some material incentives that seem to be effective are actually coincidences and only have a small effect. really plays a role in internal motivation . “Buying” a child with money is a strategy with little chance of success. It sets money as the goal of struggle, and the motivation provided by this goal is very limited.

Children will grow up eventually. If he faces his own life with such simple and crude logic and always lives for external motivation, his own life will always be in shackles. Is it not sad to be a parent?

How to stimulate children to generate internal motivation is the most important concern of parents.

Views in this article were provided by the National Senior Baby Care Teacher, Psychological Counselor and Wang Qing, a researcher of the Institute of Culture and Family Education of the Northern Great Family


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